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Halloween Candy Hangover

November 1, 2012

It is that time of year: effective today, holiday weight gain season is here.  What is holiday weight gain season?  Need you ask?!  Unfortunately, our holidays are weighted toward the end of the year.  On Halloween we eat a ton of candy.  Then Thanksgiving hits and we eat anything in front of us.  As if this wasn’t enough, Christmas comes calling with everything from Thanksgiving and steps the candy up a notch: it is homemade this time.  Not pretty for my waistline, that’s for sure.

Does the threat of gaining weight keep me from stuffing my face?  Have you seen me?  Absolutely not.  In the words of Natalie from The Facts of Life: “Why would you want to be a skinny little pencil?  I’d rather be a happy magic marker.”

I have embraced my magic marker status and life is much, much sweeter.  So far to the point that every Halloween I make it a mission to acquire as much clearance candy as possible.  Some years are more successful than others, but usually I come out with a decent haul that’ll last me through the weight-gain season.

Typically, I will all but fight someone for candy.  There are always those years where I go into the store prepared to walk out with bags upon bags of candy and leave the store empty-handed because someone else beat me to the punch.  Being as picky as I am when it comes to candy, it makes it hard to find my first picks because they’re usually everyone’s first picks.  Just fun-sized candy bars: Snickers, Reese’s, Twix, Hershey’s, Kit-Kat, and Almond Joy.  Any of these little morsels will serve as your key to my heart.

I love my Halloween candy, don’t get me wrong, but I hate the marketing of the fun-sized items.  Why must they be fun?  Why must the be so small?  In making them small and seem fun, I will eat half of my weight in these bad boys and the whole time, this is my thought process: “Aww these are so cute and fun!  I should probably have another!”

I’m fairly optimistic that this Halloween clearance candy shopping spree will turn out very well.  After all, I need to get a nice start on my holiday weight gain so I can pretend to have a Cliché New Year’s resolution to lose it.

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